The number one factor for assimilating newcomers into the church is “The Friendship Factor”. In the church we often hear our church is a friendly church. This is often stated and believed to be true because all of our friends are there and we are friendly to those we know. I’ve often heard, “If you want to see how friendly we are, come and see how long we stay around after the service and talk with each other.” To which I usually inquire, “Talk to who?” Our friends, not the stranger or newcomer among us.
It is important to be a friendly church. However, when people enter your church for the first time, they are not simply looking for a friendly church. They are looking for friends. There have been several studies completed about this issue. One study of 100 newcomers into churches identified 50 who dropped out within six months and 50 who remained in the church beyond six months.
Of the fifty who dropped out, most had zero friendships in the church. They attended, they were greeted and verbally welcomed. Only two of the fifty said they considered two people as friends from the church. Three others had one friendship. Not one of the other 45 could identify that any relationships were established with members of the church. (90%)
On the other side, the fifty who were still involved in the church after the six month period had three or more new relationships within the church. These are new fostering relationships with people they had not known. The majority (over 90%) could name more than five new fostering relationships with others in the church. Five versus zero.
That statistic alone should be enough to convict us of becoming more intentional in building an inviting, assimilating culture or fostering relationships. Yet, some read those paragraphs and began making excuses, passing the blame to the “outsiders” or others in the church. We get so wrapped up with our current friends that we neglect the newcomers.
The term “it takes a village” is not only for raising children. It is for assimilating people into the culture of the Christ-centered church. Are you part of a friendly church, or are you an individual Christ follower thirsting to build new relationships that will assist you and others in maturing together as Disciples?
What will you do this week to start the conversations in moving your entire church forward in being a Christ-centered relationship fostering family of God for every person God brings into your fellowship?
George Yates is an Organizational Health Strategist and coach, assisting churches, organizations, and individuals in pursuing God’s purpose for life. Click here to receive this blog in your email inbox each Tuesday.