Have you ever noticed that no one likes to be told – anything, but everyone loves to give their opinion? Since this is true in our society, why not ask people’s opinion instead of trying to tell them something. Without a little more information, that sounds a little silly or even ridiculous, doesn’t it?
What if you could take a scenario and instead of telling what needs to be done, ask properly formulated questions that lead the person(s) to make the right decision for the circumstance. You can! It takes a little training, but you can learn this invaluable leadership practice. I am blessed to work with pastors, and organizations assisting them in this leadership style.
Pastor Don called me one morning stating he had a staff member who was not performing and was causing disturbances in the church. I listened intently, wanting to learn first, is it the pastor or staff member. Is this working relationship salvageable? After listening to the history of the situation, I understood the dilemma and asked a couple of questions to before moving forward. Then I changed my line of questioning.
The pastor had said he wanted to tell her…and he listed a couple of reasons why he believed, “It was time for she and the church to part ways.”
My question was, “Why do you want to tell her anything?” Pastor Don went immediately into retelling me the same things he had previously, how she and her husband were distracting God’s people from His work.” I listened, then repeated my question with an emphasis on the word “tell”. “Why do you want to TELL her anything?”
It was then that Pastor caught it. Pastor Don and a team from his church had worked with me for about a year on a revitalization process. Don had watched my leadership. I had coached him on using questions instead of always telling. The second time I asked the question, Don got it and immediately queried, “I need to ask her, don’t I?”
I answered yes and we began about a twenty-minute discussion, formulating questions for his interview with her. We would discuss a properly formulated question which would allow her to surface the issues. After her response, a second question would help her dig for the true source of the issues. Then Don said, “Then I need to tell her…”
I stopped him mid-sentence and asked, “You need to what?” By the end of our conversation we had worked up four or five questions for him to ask her and I stated again, “If you ask the right, properly formulated questions, she will come to the right conclusion and make the decision.
Things worked out well. The staff member did come to the right conclusion for the church and her family. She realized it was not the church, it was indeed she and her husband causing the issues. She even stated, “I believe it is time for me and the church to part ways.”
When you ask the correct, properly formulated questions, people will generally make the right decisions, even in difficult discussions as the one above. Imagine what your teams and individuals could accomplish when you ask the right questions. I’m convinced, we are not asking the right questions today. What can you do to learn more about properly formulating questions to spur your team forward?
George Yates is an Organizational Health Strategist and coach, assisting churches, organizations, and individuals in pursuing God’s purpose for life. Click here to receive this blog in your email inbox each Tuesday.