Oftentimes we enter relationships, business or personal, with a trust that is based on mutual performance. That is, “I will trust you as long as you keep up your part of our working relationship. But, the minute you do not…” Trust based on mutual performance is not a lasting trust and will lead to dissension, discord, and a break up of the organization or relationship. We see this in business and in personal relationships. This false trust has led many couples to divorce, business partnerships to dissolve, and churches to split.
Trust built only on mutual performance is like trying to build a bridge out of tissue paper. It will fail. You and I will drop the ball at some point in any dependent trust relationship. It may not be major. But, there are times in our lives when we simply cannot accomplish everything in front of us. When this happens in a relationship based on dependent trust, it will always breed fear. If your trust in me is dependent on my “doing”, then I will begin to fear the possibility of not upholding to your trust level. Living with this type of fear will cause a person to act in a protection mode – protecting one’s self from losing the other’s support. This is not healthy and will lead to collapse of the relationship, be it in business or personal.
Trust comes when we realize the other person’s good toward us is not predicated on our actions or inactions. Genuine trust is not dependent on anything. It is a character trait of integrity. Trust as an integrity character trait has the other person’s best interest in mind. There is no fear of a boss, pastor, or spouse with this type of trust integrity. Even when you mess up, this person is going to be there to assist you in redeeming and improving future applications.
Pastors and church leaders believe they have automatic, built-in trust. However, genuine trust comes over time. Too many religious leaders lead out of a dependent based trust without even being aware of it. Even pastors must work to build the genuine trust level with his peers and church members/volunteers.
When you build this type of trust integrity, you will see those who work for you or alongside you begin to move more freely and comfortably. Without the chains of fear, he/she will be a greater productive laborer for your organization or relationship. Don’t assume that you have genuine trust integrity. Begin today, working toward building it into your character.
George Yates is an Organizational Health Strategist and coach, assisting churches, organizations, and individuals in pursuing God’s purpose for life.