Jane had had enough. Her co-workers loved her. She always seemed to be able to figure out how to tackle a new issue or situation. Unfortunately, Jane’s boss, the company owner, just wasn’t a listener. Convinced that her ideas were not being considered after three years of employment, Jane left the company. And five other employees followed her. Morale had been low for some time. With Jane’s departure, it took a nosedive.
When a person lives in any relationship long enough believing he/she is not being heard, trust disappears, separation and disappointment sets in. Each of us wants to be heard. And most of us believe we are good listeners. We operate with the belief that “I hear what my employees (volunteers, wife, friends) say.” In reality unless we connect with what they are sharing, we are only surface listening. Surface listening is only listening to be polite, listening only to give our prepared respond.
In any relationship, be it work related, church, or personal, when a person has given up on being heard by the other, he/she has not given up on being heard by someone. This is where the demise of marriages, organizations, and friendships begins. If you’re not listening to your spouse, she will find someone who will listen. As a corporate leader or minister, if you are not listening with an intent to connect, your people will find others who will listen, inside and out of your organization. What the others will hear, is usually not what you want them to hear.
I have been in countless meetings and read many stories where a concern was being voiced, yet the leader skimmed over the concern or gave a statistical reason why the concern was not valid. Each time we do this as leaders, our trust factor drops in the minds of those in attendance – and others who will hear from those in attendance. Building trust requires many more deposits than withdrawals.
The best way I know to build trust is to connect with those who serve alongside you and work for you. Connecting through listening does not imply building an in-depth close and personal relationship, inviting everyone to your house for dinner. It does mean listening to others with the intent to hear their concerns without a prepared answer or dismissal of his/her concern.
It is impossible to build trust without connecting with others. On the opposite side, the greater the connection, the stronger the trust factor. Think about it, whom do you trust most? Undoubtedly, one of the person’s you are strongly connected with. Wise leaders understand spending a little time connecting with their charges (employees, volunteers) is worth volumes of trust.
People who trust, demonstrably will accomplish more and morale will remain high among those who trust. Invest a little time building connections. You’ll create trust and be glad you did.
George Yates is an Organizational Health Strategist and coach, assisting churches, organizations, and individuals in pursuing God’s purpose for life.