A few years back while serving on staff at a church, we had a young lady visit. Her clothes were not like what most of our congregation wore. She wore blue jeans and a top. They were not the nicest, newest of clothing, but they were not dirty. Maybe not dry cleaner pressed, but her clothes were clean and decent.

I got to know a little about her background. It was not the prettiest of stories. She’d had a rough few years. Life was not kind to her, she was downtrodden. She had tried many avenues; life had gotten to a very low point for her. She did not know where to turn. She had heard of the church but in her thirty some years had never attended church.

She was welcomed into our church, though some were reluctant to give a genuine warm welcome. After three weeks, this young lady did not show up for Sunday services or Bible study. As was our custom, myself and someone else went to visit (to show we care). Our church logo was, “The Caring Place”. I still believe in visiting. A personal visit makes a greater impact than any other communication.

When we arrived, she met us outside her house. The reason she had not attended the previous Sunday was that one of our nice, friendly women had told this soul-searching young lady that she should wear a dress to church and “Blue jeans are not fitting for Sunday mornings.” She exclaimed to us, “I do not own a dress.”

I was not only embarrassed, my face likely turned flush red, as I was furious. Part of me wanted to find out who said this mean and ugly statement to this woman trying to find her way in a world that kept knocking her down. We tried to convince the young lady that her clothing was not an issue in our church and we would certainly address the real issue within the congregation. She would not commit to return. I had a couple of ladies in the church to reach out to her, to no avail. I pray she found a church home, a church that loved her and showed true compassion.

We were a church of several hundred loving, caring believers. Yet, one careless, misplaced comment sent this lost soul back into the darkness of the world.

Many of our churches are filled with loving, compassionate people, at least to one another and perhaps to those guests who look and dress like us. Oftentimes our love stops there.

I get to speak in a lot of friendly churches, and I sometimes ask who is the friendliest church in town. Of course, every church says, “We are!” I follow up with, “If I go to the church down the street and ask them the same question, they will tell me that you are the friendliest church?” It is easy to get caught in the trap of believing our church is the friendliest church in town. After all, we are extremely friendly to one another.

Jesus came to reach the outsiders. He established His New Testament church to do the same. One main goal for every church member should always be to “show that you care”. And you do show how much you care by the way you treat the stranger among you.

George Yates is an Organizational Health Strategist and coach, assisting churches, organizations, and individuals in pursuing God’s purpose for life. Click here to receive this blog in your email inbox each Tuesday.